The Story

BEHIND THE MUSIC

When shopping for a house you may run across a property listing that says the house is Sold "As-Is". When a property is listed as such; purchasing the home comes with a risk. There could be little that needs repairing or the house can be in total ruins. When a seller lists a home "As-is" they're hoping you see the value in the home, a home that they know comes with problems, but if the right person comes along and puts in the time and money; that person can really help the house reach its fullest potential. I am that house in ruins. God is the buyer. This album is the songs of the construction that has taken place in my life. 

Love was a word used too loosely growing up. I heard it said so often yet the actions of those who used it failed to display the very love they professed. I felt powerless as a child. I often looked at my daddy as a role model; I wanted to be more like him. Outside of my dad most men I knew where hoe's they changed women as fast as they changed their shoes. I didn't want anything to do with being a woman as I saw that as weakness. To know me personally is to know that I am a highly sensitive person. I cry over anything. I hated appearing weak, so I emulated my dad more and more changing my appearance to this tough guarded girl to hide the delicate rose within. I always had to be tough and love is one of those feelings and words that when expressed in all sincerity can leave one feeling vulnerable and weak. I was 19 and he was 20 the feelings were so real and it scared me. The more I pushed him the more he pulled...

He liked to rap and I liked to sing. I was the home-girl and we had a thing #Bars. After four months of dating and my father's blessing we went to the Union City, GA courthouse to make it official. I was 20 and he was 21. We didn't know where to start, we no examples to look to. Our family didn't really support us and most didn't think we'd make it past 6 months...But God!

"Sometimes I fail, Sometimes I cry, Catch a little attitude if you step out of line cause like you; I'm only human"

Expectations are good to have, but when you place such high expectations on yourself or others make sure you provide a soft landing space once they fall off that high pedestal you placed them on. I think sometime we all forget that we are all just human, it's one thing to say we all have bad days when it come to justifying your attitude, but it's another thing when you're caught up in the mix of someone else's bad day, then they become the negative energy, toxic person, or draining. Just as much as you have to deal with others is how others have to deal with you, we all human we are need grace.

You know I had to let y'all know where I am from! lol! I did the cute singing thing (lol), but this song here, is me. I wrote this song when I felt knocked out by life. This song is my war cry. 

"Thought you knocked me out down for the count, well look at me, look at me now, when I bounce back Yeah!" 

I really thought I could walk through this life on my own. It was when I admitted my weakness and addressed the voids in my life that I began to search for wholeness.

 

"That's I keep on running, running, running after you..."

2020 has been some year. If you follow me on Instagram you've seen me talk about how 2019 went for me and my family. Like everyone else I was done with 2019. In one year we buried three family members , lost the job that moved us states away from those we love, and in January 2020 we received heartbreaking news that I will share when I feel the time is right. In March 2020 with the COVID-19 pandemic we feared the loss of  yet another job, and May I had a surgery and shortly after another tragedy happened in our family. One day my husband called me to tell me about the possibility of losing our other job. Prior to his call I was singing and playing "Way Maker" on my piano. After our call I just felt over whelmed with emotions, going from anger, to tears, prayer, to repentance  out of my Lament, this song was birth. "I'm just trying to breath" 

© 2020 Crystal Evon